Some jokes are bad, and some jokes are dad jokes. But the best jokes are bad dad jokes. As a dad myself, it seems like sometimes our collection of jokes are so corny…. so bad they’re considered good. I’ve scoured the net looking for dad jokes that are worth retelling, especially by dads to their kids.
Here’s a list of 100 dad jokes that I consider truly ‘bad’. Enjoy! 🙂
What is a Dad Joke?
A Dad joke is usually short, and consisting of word play. From the ones I’ve analyzed, they’re also normally one or two lines tops. Most importantly, they need to be corny enough to be told by a dad.
They also need to be ‘groan-worthy’…. jokes so bad that they’re actually good jokes. I tell these same jokes to my son, and he told me that any joke that’s truly funny isn’t a dad joke. I’m not so sure about that. Enjoy my list. I think these are great jokes.
Bad Dad Jokes 1 – 10: Fishy and full of puns.
I would avoid sushi when going out to dinner. It’s a little ‘fishy’.
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
Don’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish! (tuna fish) 🙂
What do you call a man who can’t stand up? Neil.
What do you call a fake noodle? An ‘impasta’!
If your kid refuses to go to bed at night, is that considered resisting a rest?
The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was ‘outstanding’ in his field.
Bad Dad Jokes 11 – 20: They just get worse.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
Wanna hear a joke about a pizza? It’s a little ‘cheesy’.
Can February March? I dunno, but April May!
What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but doesn’t have any kids? A ‘faux pas’.
What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Why are elevator jokes so good? Because they work on so many levels.
Spring is here, and I got so excited I wet my plants.
Dad Jokes 21 – 30: One of these is pointless.
I like telling my dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
‘See-thru’ coffins might be the next big fad, but it remains to be seen.
Why do melons always have weddings when they get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? It was ‘two-tired’.
What did the horse say when he fell down? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up.”
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
I fell in love while doing a back-flip. I was head over heels.
Does anyone need an Ark? I Noah guy…..
Did you hear about the photo sent to prison? It was framed.
Dad Jokes 31 – 40: Some of these are just bad.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he ‘Neverlands’!
What do you call a man with a ‘rubber toe’? Roberto.
A French cheese factory exploded. De Brie was everywhere.
I would tell you a joke about a vacuum, but it sucks.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I’m not sure but their flag is a big plus.
Where do college-aged vampires shop? Forever 21.
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
Why was the math book so sad? Because of all it’s problems.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
What is a baby monkey called? A ‘chimp off the old block’.
Dad Jokes 41 – 50: Find the pirate joke.
What U.S. state has very small soft drinks? Minnesota.
What’s at the bottom of the ocean and twitching? A nervous wreck!
How does a penguin builds it’s house? Igloos it together.
You get spoiled milk from a pampered cow.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye, Matey.”
Why do crabs never share? Because they’re shellfish.
I heard that the man who invented ‘Lifesavers’ made a mint
I know plenty of jokes about retired people, but none of them work.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Dad Jokes 51 – 60: One of these jokes is ‘tear-able’.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the ‘p’ is silent!
Two fish are in a tank. One looks to the other and says ‘Do you know how to drive this thing?’
Why don’t skeletons go ‘Trick-or-Treating’ on Halloween? Because they have no body to go with.
I tried to tell a joke about paper but stopped. It’s ‘tear-able’.
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school? Bison.
Last night I had a nightmare that I was a muffler. It was exhausting!
What music do Santa’s elves like to listen to at the North Pole? ‘Wrap’ music.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are so good at it.
What concert costs only $0.45 to see? 50 Cent with special guest Nickelback!
Dad Jokes 61 – 70: Vacuum jokes suck.
I decided to sell my vaccuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was ‘soda pressing’.
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
What did the grape do when it was stepped on? Let out a little ‘whine’
“Dad, make me a sandwich.” Dad: “Poof! You’re now a sandwich!”
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephrino.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
Why did the Invisible Man stop going to work? He just couldn’t himself doing it.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes to each other? Because they would crack up.
Dad Jokes 71 – 80: Things Dad says.
What’s the astronaut’s favorite computer part? The space bar.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little ‘boogie’ in it!
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere!
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looks to the other and says ‘Does this taste funny to you?’
What do zombie vegetarians eat? Graaaaains.
I asked my dad if he was all right. He said “No, I am half left.”
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be a chicken sedan.
Five out of four people are really bad at fractions.
To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
“Dad, can you put the cat out?” Dad: “I didn’t know it was on fire!”
Dad Jokes 81 – 90: Nothing rhymes with orange.
I swapped my bed out for a trampoline. My wife hit the roof.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down!
I was going to go on an all cashew diet, but that’s just nuts!
How do lawyer’s say goodbye? We’ll be suing you!
Justice is a dish best served cold, because if it were served warm it would be justwater.
I had a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took too many days off.
I’m only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
I told my dad “Nothing rhymes with orange” He said “No, it doesn’t.”
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
I thought I would hate having a beard, but then it grew on me!
Dad Jokes 91 – 100: These jokes are quite punny.
I gave away all my dead batteries today…. free of charge.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a Flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
Where do dentist live in Nevada? Floss Vegas.
What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
What’s the loudest pet you can own? A Trumpet.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little hoarse.
One vowel saved another vowel’s life. The recovered vowel looked at his rescuer and said “Aye E, I owe you!”
Did you hear about the man who invented ‘Knock Knock’ jokes? He wont the No-bell prize.
Conclusion: Bad Dad Jokes are Actually Good.
These are some of the best ‘bad dad jokes’ that I’ve found. I hope that you enjoyed these.
If you didn’t find your favorite bad dad joke here, please use my contact page or leave it as a comment below. 🙂
P.S. Because I love these jokes, and I am a coffee drinker, here’s a bonus one:
A coffee went to the police station to report a crime. It had been mugged.
Leave a comment below and tell me which one was your favorite!